By Andrea Carlile
Finances can be a major factor in marital stress or marital happiness. The fundamental differences between spouses can be as simple as saving versus spending or as complex as experiencing financial devastation. In essence, finances and money can destroy marriages, if allowed.
There have been two events that perpetuated major financial trouble within my marriage of 14 years. The way we handled them directly affected our marriage, and led us to trust in one case and mistrust in the other.
The first occurred four and a half years ago. Upon returning from a deployment for the Air Force Reserve, my husband’s civilian employer cut his employment hours to fewer than eight a week. While not firing him (which would be against the law), they legally reduced his hours and in turn, his income.
This led to serious financial issues as he desperately looked for another job. It took almost five months to find full-time employment and throughout those months we exhausted our savings, fell behind on our bills, and our house entered foreclosure. The stress of the finances caused walls between my husband and me, and we began to distrust each other. Obviously, none of this situation was anyone’s fault but when we are stressed, we often blame the other person. There was little communication or collaboration of a plan to handle the situation. Our marriage almost failed.
In the following years of our marriage we improved our communication and coping skills and were able to handle our financial concerns more positively. Just last summer we again faced financial setbacks when my husband was furloughed for six weeks. While not as drastic of a situation, we once again faced a loss of income.
However, this time we sat down and created a plan. We communicated our financial concerns to each other. We called creditors and let them know of the situation, and they were, surprisingly, very understanding. We bonded and used each other as support. Then when we had to purchase two new vehicles a month ago because of car issues, we were able to do so as a team. There was compromise, communication, and care for each other.
Financial struggles do not have to weaken a marriage. The key is to be a team, collaborate, and to create a plan together that both spouses agree on. Financial peace involves trust, not mistrust, and communication is vital.
Andrea Carlile is the spouse of a 12-year military veteran, received her Master’s from Indiana Wesleyan University, speaks to groups about PTSD, and is pursuing a career in Family and Marital Therapy. The War That Came Home is her first novel, and she hopes to publish more books in the near future.
