By Andrea Carlile
As I watched Tony Stark be overcome with anxiety and nightmares in Ironman 3, it reminded me of watching my husband experience similar symptoms after a second deployment. My thoughts drifted to how our heroes can crumble after witnessing atrocities that their mind cannot simply reconcile and memory will not let them forget, no matter how brave or strong they are. Heroes like The Ironman are ficticious but the real heroes, those men and women who serve in our military, can experience these debilitating symptoms in reality. Nightmares, flashbacks, depression, violence, substance abuse, and other symptoms of PTSD can leave a veteran and his or her family feeling in despair.
I am alone. No one understands. There is no hope. What is happening to my husband? Who is he? Who can help? Who can save us? As I witnessed my spouse heading down a path of destruction, these thoughts and emotions led me into my own depression. Five years ago, the disorder was only beginning to be talked of and I didn’t understand it. As I faced each day and walked a path of darkness that almost destroyed our marriage and family, I had no military contacts to share my pain or confusion. I leaned on God, friends, family, and civilian services for support. While I benefitted from their help tremendously, they still could not truly understand the path we were walking. The complexity of the disorder combined with watching our life tattering before my eyes led us to the VA. My husband began intensive counseling that would continue for three years. I learned of PTSD.
Living with a spouse with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is challenging. There is required strength, perserverance, and patience. The service member suffers, as does the family. When my husband started treatment, I had no hope. There were layers of his pain and memories that needed to be opened to allow for healing. I learned of his triggers, those things that would cause an anxiety attack, rage or flashbacks. He continued to seek help and we developed better communication skills and coping methods that prevented heated arguments and rage.
While we benefited by some counseling and a retreat offered by the VA, I wish that I had known of services offered for the families of wounded warriors with PTSD and other mental issues. There are so many today, services of support, being able to connect to other spouses feeling the same way. There is professional counseling for spouses and children. There are online groups, education, and resources for every challenge facing the families of PTSD. Most recently, there is education surfacing about secondary stress ,which are symptoms a spouse can exhibit when living with a service member with PTSD.
Though it is challenging, PTSD can be handled and families can heal. With support, no one is alone to deal with this by themselves. The disorder is a daily battle that has to be continually addressed and monitored. Our real life heroes and their families may crumble but can be healed and able to move forward stronger than ever. That is my story of PTSD, and my husband is not even The Ironman, though he is a hero all the same.
Below are just a few websites for support:
Andrea Carlile is the spouse of a 12-year military veteran, received her Master’s from Indiana Wesleyan University, and is pursuing a career in Family and Marital Therapy. Andrea has two daughters and currently works for at an optometry practice. She enjoys writing, reading, and scrapbooking. The War That Came Home is her first novel, and she hopes to publish more books in the near future.
Posttraumatic stress disorder is classified as an anxiety disorder; the characteristic symptoms are not present before exposure to the violently traumatic event. Typically the individual with PTSD persistently avoids all thoughts, emotions and discussion of the stressor event and may experience amnesia for it. However, the event is commonly relived by the individual through intrusive, recurrent recollections, flashbacks and nightmares..’;..
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